Post by bonnie on Jul 22, 2017 23:04:52 GMT -5
I'm happy to have found this site because I desperately needed a source of support from other people who have COPD and struggle in their daily lives and activities to find better ways for coping with it. I was diagnosed with COPD (officially) 6 years ago after having been diagnosed, also, with sleep apnea. I use a CPAP at night. It is impossible for me to sleep without the device. I used to be an avid outdoors person - hiking, kayaking, traveling, etc., as well many artistic pursuits, none of which I am able to fully enjoy any more. I have always had problems with depression, too, which is basically controlled with medication (altho I'm starting to think I've been experiencing a low grade depression.) I have smoked for 45 years, something I'm ashamed to admit. I've tried everything from patches, the gum, lozenges, smoking cessation classes and hypnosis but I only quit for awhile before going back to it, usually due to stress, boredom, or more depression.
My husband died almost 6 years ago. Just as I was getting a handle on my grief a year later, my 92 year old mother ended up needing temporary help so I let her move in with me. "Temporary" turned into a 4 year permanency and the caregiving process took every ounce of what I had to give, including my own home decor, plans for traveling or just visiting with my g'kids, sense of identity, everything. She moved into a facility 7 months ago, thank god, but I've spent the last 7 months trying to regain my own sense of self. I had hoped to begin traveling about the time she moved in. That was put on hold, as was everything else. And with a limited income now, I can't afford to travel.
As I read what I'm writing, I can see how it sounds like I'm having a real pity party here, but that's not the case. Honest! I'm a very pragmatic person. I deal with what is, do what I must and move on. Unfortunately, I'm stuck in a place I can't seem to get out of. I live on a ranch and have many chores that must be done but I can't even regain an interest in doing any of them. Instead of gardening - my old way of regaining balance - I have removed any plants requiring much care and hired a gardner for mowing the lawn and doing the rest because it's too hard for me to do such work any more. I attended a wonderful pulmonary rehab for 8 months, learned how much exercise benefits me, but have gotten away from that too. At this point I'm floundering, trying to regain a sense of creativity, social interactions, and just plain sense of purpose. But, like the last two days, I wake up in the morning and get so tired every 2-3 hours later than I go back to bed and sleep another 3 hours. I KNOW this is a sign of low level depression and I have made an appt to visit my doctor regarding it.
For the most part, though, I've come to this place in my head where "this is all there is until the day I die," which I honestly look forward to doing sometimes.
Bonnie
My husband died almost 6 years ago. Just as I was getting a handle on my grief a year later, my 92 year old mother ended up needing temporary help so I let her move in with me. "Temporary" turned into a 4 year permanency and the caregiving process took every ounce of what I had to give, including my own home decor, plans for traveling or just visiting with my g'kids, sense of identity, everything. She moved into a facility 7 months ago, thank god, but I've spent the last 7 months trying to regain my own sense of self. I had hoped to begin traveling about the time she moved in. That was put on hold, as was everything else. And with a limited income now, I can't afford to travel.
As I read what I'm writing, I can see how it sounds like I'm having a real pity party here, but that's not the case. Honest! I'm a very pragmatic person. I deal with what is, do what I must and move on. Unfortunately, I'm stuck in a place I can't seem to get out of. I live on a ranch and have many chores that must be done but I can't even regain an interest in doing any of them. Instead of gardening - my old way of regaining balance - I have removed any plants requiring much care and hired a gardner for mowing the lawn and doing the rest because it's too hard for me to do such work any more. I attended a wonderful pulmonary rehab for 8 months, learned how much exercise benefits me, but have gotten away from that too. At this point I'm floundering, trying to regain a sense of creativity, social interactions, and just plain sense of purpose. But, like the last two days, I wake up in the morning and get so tired every 2-3 hours later than I go back to bed and sleep another 3 hours. I KNOW this is a sign of low level depression and I have made an appt to visit my doctor regarding it.
For the most part, though, I've come to this place in my head where "this is all there is until the day I die," which I honestly look forward to doing sometimes.
Bonnie
