Post by connieaz on Jul 29, 2009 15:43:54 GMT -5
> > Subject: For all pet owners
> > Date: Fri, 19 Jun 2009 09:48:24 -0700
> >
> > Bob Choronzuk www.imaginature.us/
> >
> >> The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.
> >>
> >> Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain
> >> your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw
> >> print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it
> >> becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in
> >> the slightest.
> >>
> >> The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me
> >> to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall
> >> faster than you can run.
> >>
> >> I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
> >> this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
> >> comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they
> >> sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched
> >> out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails
> >> straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize
> >> space is nothing but sarcasm.
> >>
> >> For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some
> >> miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
> >> necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under
> >> the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door
> >> I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline
> >> attendance is not required.
> >>
> >> The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other
> >> dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
> >>
> >> Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the
> >> front door:
> >>
> >> TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
> >>
> >> (1) They live here. You don't.
> >>
> >> (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
> >> That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
> >>
> >> (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
> >>
> >> (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who
> >> are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
> >>
> >> Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they
> >>
> >> (1) eat less,
> >>
> >> (2) don't ask for money all the time,
> >>
> >> (3) are easier to train,
> >>
> >> (4) normally come when called,
> >>
> >> (5) never ask to drive the car,
> >>
> >> (6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
> >>
> >> (7) don't smoke or drink,
> >>
> >> (8) don't want to wear your clothes,
> >>
> >> (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
> >>
> >> (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
> >>
> >> (11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children .
> >>
> > Date: Fri, 19 Jun 2009 09:48:24 -0700
> >
> > Bob Choronzuk www.imaginature.us/
> >
> >> The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.
> >>
> >> Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain
> >> your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw
> >> print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it
> >> becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in
> >> the slightest.
> >>
> >> The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me
> >> to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall
> >> faster than you can run.
> >>
> >> I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
> >> this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
> >> comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they
> >> sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched
> >> out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails
> >> straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize
> >> space is nothing but sarcasm.
> >>
> >> For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some
> >> miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
> >> necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under
> >> the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door
> >> I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline
> >> attendance is not required.
> >>
> >> The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other
> >> dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
> >>
> >> Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the
> >> front door:
> >>
> >> TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
> >>
> >> (1) They live here. You don't.
> >>
> >> (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
> >> That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
> >>
> >> (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
> >>
> >> (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who
> >> are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
> >>
> >> Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they
> >>
> >> (1) eat less,
> >>
> >> (2) don't ask for money all the time,
> >>
> >> (3) are easier to train,
> >>
> >> (4) normally come when called,
> >>
> >> (5) never ask to drive the car,
> >>
> >> (6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
> >>
> >> (7) don't smoke or drink,
> >>
> >> (8) don't want to wear your clothes,
> >>
> >> (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
> >>
> >> (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
> >>
> >> (11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children .
> >>
