Post by maryaz on Aug 1, 2012 0:02:50 GMT -5
I don’t know if anyone can help me with this. Difficult to understand unless you have done this yourself. My son tells me he is, and has been, proud of me by the way I handle myself in the big difficult situations of life. He began to get concerned though how I would handle things when Joe died, seeing as how very tough it was dealing with this situation, and how I was handling some other things. I assured him I would be fine. He has seen many times that I generally handle the big things okay but it is the ‘little’ things that I let trap me into unreasonable thinking. Sure there are better words for it. He has only recently realized how I can over react to little things. I was terrible to deal with when I got home from the hospital and had lost some of my hearing and had an inflamed ear for six weeks plus.
I will give one example from just the other night. I panic and I need to learn how to stop myself from panic. Every time I do, I make the situation much worse than it is. This has to be compared with people that know what it is like to have a tightened chest and a feeling of not being able to breath. When my saturation goes down, I do tend to get warm or feel like I am sweating, depending on how low. I always want a fan or air on me. Sort of like an alert to low saturation, unless it is warm. Sometimes in the warm house it also causes my saturation to go down.
I was alone for the first night. I did fine all day but in the evening for about half an hour I got some anxiety about the fact I was alone or asking myself if I can do this. Not sure what my thoughts were but took a xanax and tried to relax. Don had not arrived home yet driving back from here. I asked him to call me as soon as he got home. They had a flat tire and were delayed. I didn’t want to get him concerned on the road.
I went and turned the thermostat down just before he called me. As we are talking and he is trying to sooth my feeling that I am okay and can do this. This was all after figuring out, as he knows me, if I was really okay. At one point I was all hot and sweaty (in my mind anyway) and my numbers were low and my chest feels like it is doing something. Finally I got so scared I started yelling to him to have Trina call 911 and that he stay on his phone with me. Probably way back in my mind maybe I knew I was going to be okay. He told me instead to push my button on my medic alert if I wanted 911. I kept refusing and telling him to call 911. I have a problem with that thing. (Alert people). He kept saying all the right things and he knew me. We got thru this and I calmed down and the air kicked in that had been set to be not cool enough and I settled in for the night.
I think the same thing happened when Trina left me and my Mom together for the first time. I actually had my Mom call 911 and I and the paramedics and my neighbor who came over because he saw all this, agreed I panicked. Once I had the good o2 and everyone here I settled down. Paramedic wanted to know if I wanted to go to the hospital. I knew I didn’t but had to know I was okay.
How do I conquer this. This is a case where I am working myself up over something that I can get a handle on. How do I not panic. It is scary when you think you cannot breath. I didn’t explain it very well. Hope you understand. That was Sunday night. I did better Monday and Tuesday. I am going to try to listen to some relaxing music. With hospice and bills and other things, I am just over busy and hopefully only this week. Yesterday I talked almost all day from 11 am on. Two hospice visitors and phone calls. I need off the phone for a while too.
I may not be back until tomorrow evening but I will be back if anyone does post.
I will give one example from just the other night. I panic and I need to learn how to stop myself from panic. Every time I do, I make the situation much worse than it is. This has to be compared with people that know what it is like to have a tightened chest and a feeling of not being able to breath. When my saturation goes down, I do tend to get warm or feel like I am sweating, depending on how low. I always want a fan or air on me. Sort of like an alert to low saturation, unless it is warm. Sometimes in the warm house it also causes my saturation to go down.
I was alone for the first night. I did fine all day but in the evening for about half an hour I got some anxiety about the fact I was alone or asking myself if I can do this. Not sure what my thoughts were but took a xanax and tried to relax. Don had not arrived home yet driving back from here. I asked him to call me as soon as he got home. They had a flat tire and were delayed. I didn’t want to get him concerned on the road.
I went and turned the thermostat down just before he called me. As we are talking and he is trying to sooth my feeling that I am okay and can do this. This was all after figuring out, as he knows me, if I was really okay. At one point I was all hot and sweaty (in my mind anyway) and my numbers were low and my chest feels like it is doing something. Finally I got so scared I started yelling to him to have Trina call 911 and that he stay on his phone with me. Probably way back in my mind maybe I knew I was going to be okay. He told me instead to push my button on my medic alert if I wanted 911. I kept refusing and telling him to call 911. I have a problem with that thing. (Alert people). He kept saying all the right things and he knew me. We got thru this and I calmed down and the air kicked in that had been set to be not cool enough and I settled in for the night.
I think the same thing happened when Trina left me and my Mom together for the first time. I actually had my Mom call 911 and I and the paramedics and my neighbor who came over because he saw all this, agreed I panicked. Once I had the good o2 and everyone here I settled down. Paramedic wanted to know if I wanted to go to the hospital. I knew I didn’t but had to know I was okay.
How do I conquer this. This is a case where I am working myself up over something that I can get a handle on. How do I not panic. It is scary when you think you cannot breath. I didn’t explain it very well. Hope you understand. That was Sunday night. I did better Monday and Tuesday. I am going to try to listen to some relaxing music. With hospice and bills and other things, I am just over busy and hopefully only this week. Yesterday I talked almost all day from 11 am on. Two hospice visitors and phone calls. I need off the phone for a while too.
I may not be back until tomorrow evening but I will be back if anyone does post.
